Brain Sponge!

I'm continuing to feel incredibly well. My final hurdles are the deepest level of healing which is brain /emotional. I'm finding that EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is really helping me a lot along with the recent addition of Bach Flower Essences. A great beginner's book is Bach Flower Essences, Step By Step by Judy Howard. It gives a nice overview of the remedies. Right now I'm taking Olive, Impatiens and Vine although I'm not sure Vine is correct for me or not. I'm giving my rigid and demanding daughter Vine as well. I've prescribed a couple for my husband too although I can't yet find one of them in the stores.

This morning I felt an emotional block dissolving for lack of a better description. My usual morning of unending scripted play (scripted play is typical for high functioning autism) with my daughter including her quizzing me on the colors of her toy cars... led to a very intense swelling of distress on my part. I went to my room so as not to upset my daughter and performed EFT while the emotion just poured out of me. I had no idea my daughter's remaining symptoms still distressed me so deeply. I've noticed that the repetitive requests for this boring and unimaginative "play" has really been agitating me more than usual lately and I know that I've felt guilty about it.

As is typical with deep emotion, my "onion" started with sadness and as I tapped melted into anger, and then fear and a strong core of guilt. (I find fear is the basis for so much negative emotions and I wonder if it's usually near the base for all of them?) I don't feel I fully completed the process but I felt a need for a break from the intensity of the emotion. I will probably do more tapping later today. Just writing this is bringing up intense physical sensations and tension so it's quite raw right now.

I do already feel cleansed and more directed in my quest for healing for my daughter as a result of this breakthrough. I've been finding it very difficult to help her as I've helped myself with homeopathy and until today I really wasn't sure why. But now I understand that my pain and guilt over her difficulties has been getting in the way of me seeing her entire picture in order to prescribe homeopathy for her. I need to see clearly her behaviors and emotions and that is still very painful for me! Seeing reality is very difficult especially when you're trying to focus on the positive... it's a delicate balance between being optimistic, positive and visualizing healing and also seeing what's there in the present moment. I hope this makes some sense!

I see now that I need to heal my emotional pain surrounding her struggle in order to help her heal. It's the old "help yourself or you're useless to those who need you" situation...